User blog:Jiralhanae117/THE FALL OF THE COVENANT
THE FALL OF THE COVENANT 4000_screenshots_20170629181156_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629181252_1.jpg|Batman giving a pep talk to his soldiers 4000_screenshots_20170629181324_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629181209_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629181330_1.jpg|BAD TOUCH 4000_screenshots_20170629192417_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629192510_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629194617_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629195410_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629195619_1.jpg 4000_screenshots_20170629181221_1.jpg|A rebel having a Nuka-Break™ with an MTF unit Right now, as you are reading this, the Covenant is coming to its knees. Soldiers are dying left and right, and the leaders have fallen. But how did this happen? Read on and find out in the most important article ever published by The Daily Badlands. Early this morning, two hundred rebels, along with their leaders and Mobile Task Force "Nine Tailed Fox", set out for the Citadel. As it was still dark out, they were able to make their way to the Citadel mostly undetected, having to kill one off-duty Covenant soldier that spotted them mid-hike. Eventually, they were able to reach the outer Citadel. With Batman and Ash Williams leading the army, they commanded their soldiers to charge. They were able to easily enter, due to the shields being down for maintenance. Once near the Citadel's "stalk", their army slaughtered most Covenant soldiers stationed in that sector, taking four hostage, to allow their soldiers to make way to the entrance on top of a nearby rooftop. At least fifteen rebel soldiers were wounded in the battle, but The Doctor was able to quickly heal them using his mysterious powers. But the battle for the entrance was not over yet. Covenant gunships quickly swarmed the entrance and fired away. The rebels decided to not waste ammo on the heavily armoured aircraft, and instead quickly erected Liberty Prime. He was able to destroy all the ships, and severely damage the Citadel. However, the situation on the ground remained terrible. The Doctor had used up all of his regenerative power to heal the wounded, and passed out as a result. It is also reported that Shrek disemboweled a Covenant soldier while hovering. But the battle at the Citadel was not over yet. Covenant gunships quickly swarmed the entrance and fired away. The rebels decided to not waste ammo on the heavily armoured aircraft, and instead quickly erect Liberty Prime. He was able to destroy all the ships with his laser vision, and severely damage the Citadel. However, the situation on the ground remained terrible. The Doctor had used up all of his regenerative power to heal the wounded, and passed out as a result. He was carried away on a makeshift stretcher, into the "TARDIS". As Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, referred to as Tali by the rebels, stormed the Citadel's stalk in a tank, along with a Spy, they were ambushed by floating barrels, being powered by Vehicron's core. They attempted to sodomize both Tali and the Spy, but before the barrels could even smell the duo's buttholes Shrek was able to capture them with a Pokéball. On another rooftop, three rebels attacked Covenant soldiers attempting to flank Liberty Prime, along with his accompanying squad. After one rebel (who has been identified as Nike Fish'n'Chips) had fallen from enemy fire, the surviving rebels (the brave Louie Douglas and Poe Cliffe) cable tied two Covenant pilots with their dance moves and hijacked their gunships. After losing control due to enemy gunfire, the rebels veered directly into the Citadel, while Cliffe screamed "Tell papa I love his gravy!" In the distance, a group of rebels infiltrate a gas station owned by Covenant operatives. The leader, named Papa Silanchro, entered the store and screamed "I GOT A POOPOO IN MY PANTIES" and shot the cashier in the liver. Everybody in the building screamed, while Papa shat everywhere. All the other rebels pulled down their pants and also took big globby shitty shit globs, one woman breaking into tears. The rebels laughed manically, one of them shooting an innocent woman in the brain. However, a Covenant soldier emerged and blew the rebel's head off with a shotgun. The rebels opened fire, but were torn to shreds by the soldier. One begged for mercy, before the soldier shoved a glob of his one shit down his thread and then forced him to drink gasoline, throwing a lit match up his butthole. The rebel exploded, painting the room with his blood and organs. One surviving rebel, named Papa Poopy, pulled out a rocket launcher and yelled "ThIS IS A STICK UP MOTHERFUCKERS" and pulled the trigger, but it only exploded into his face. Nine surviving rebels sneak past the brooding soldier and steal a barrel of Zaxby's sauce. The sauce was highly valuable in this day and age, as Zaxby's was no longer a company. However, they were soon burnt alive by the soldier with a flamethrower. They begged for mercy, only to receive a fork to the butthole. The brave soldier then hijacked the car the rebels arrived in, bringing the sauce and all the injured but living civilians with him. It is likely he fled to San Andreas. While the stalk was being rushed, Batman, Ash, a few Black Mesa military and MTF units, Jacket, and Rick Sanchez were able to make it up to the entrance with the assistance of stairs. As Batman's crew marched across the bridge into the Citadel, Covenant soldiers stationed on the bridge opened fire on the passing rebels. They managed to kill one MTF unit. As the rest of the rebel squad ran into the Citadel entrance, a piece of the crashed gunship fell onto the bridge, killing the Covenant soldiers and destroying the bridge. On the ground, the infamous Mini-Tripods, previously thought to be an urban legend, ambushed and slaughtered a rebel squad. Afterwards, they were almost instantly crushed by a heavily damaged Liberty Prime, who was barely able to complete the task. Inside, Batman, Ash, and Rick storm the Covenant and take no prisoners. Batman and Rick, their minds combined, hack into the Covenant mainframe and manage to self-destruct the Citadel's dark energy/australium/sauceoliem core, which caused the entire facility to go into meltdown. A security measure brutally murders Batman, his heavy armor being pierced by armor made of pure charred spaghetti. Rick and the remaining rebels escape, while the remaining Covenant forces in the Citadel leave the city via escape pods. Up in the Citadel, Dr. Rock watches below as all hell breaks loose and orders Randy T. Redneck to send a full assault. Moments later, the Covenant’s full army arrives and begins firing on the Rebels. After much success, it is turned around when helicopters begin crashing due to an EMP. Batman had been resurrected by Chuck Norris himself, hijacked a helicopter, and began firing upon Dr. Rock at the top of the Citadel. After much time, the Citadel began to lean due to the Core's destruction, causing many Covenant soldiers to retreat and have Rebels move in. At approximately 12:46 PM, the Citadel collapsed, killing many Covenant soldiers and Rebels below. The bodies of Randy T. Redneck, Allan Grant, and Dr. Rock were never found but a black figure had been seen emerging from the rubble before vanishing. TF2-27015 was found in the rubble, with no damage done to it, and was taken by Batman to be secured by League forces. And that is how the Covenant fell. We thank all of our readers who participated in the fight against the Covenant, and would like everybody reading to take a moment and remember those brave souls lost in the war for freedom. It has been one hell of a journey, but we came out of the other side. Godspeed, you magnificent bastards. Category:Blog posts